I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
