Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
