He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
