So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
are you so shy because you have an std?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
