i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
