I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
