Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
