everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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