Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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