M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
