Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
