You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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