I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
