you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
