So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.