I got chris browned last night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk