Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.