life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.