that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again