Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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