I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
