you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
