I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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