can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
