I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
