Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
only you would photoshop your dick
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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