this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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