You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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