Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
