she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
