If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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