At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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