Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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