it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
