Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
