We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
