I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I die, sorry about rent.
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