low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?