Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.