clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??