put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.