one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.