I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
