sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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