guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
