I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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