Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
