my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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