Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
