I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
