im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
