So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize