Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
