My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
