I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
