you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
