Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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