ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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