Banned from zoo.
Again?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
