dude i'm inner monologue high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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