No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
