Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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