Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He better not be in your backpack
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
