Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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