Please, let me fuck your mom
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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