I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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