Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
