i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
