I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
