so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
